How to Survive Valentine’s Day as a Newly Single Woman, According to a Breakup Coach
I know it’s daunting to think about how you’re going to survive Valentine’s Day as a newly single lady. I’ve asked Nancy Deen, my friend who happens to be an expert breakup coach, to help you.Here you go…from Nancy:
I have had my fair share of breakups, I know it can be painful to watch everyone else celebrating while you’re, well—miserable. You despise the fact that this peudo-holiday just rubs it in your face that you’re no more in a relationship. (Thanks, as if I need full-blow romantic couples just rubbing their love and lust right in my face while my heart is torn wide open.)
But, you’re also sort of aware that you actually enjoy this day, but just not this year. You love it when you’re celebrating. (Duh.)
This Valentine’s Day, I’ve got you covered. You deserve to still participate in the day, even without the overpriced flowers and three-week waitlisted restaurants with fixed-menu specials.
Alright, let’s dive in.
At-Home Spa and Self-Care Night
If you’re fresh out of a relationship, chances are you really don’t like to leave the house this Valentine’s Day. As such, I strongly suggest drawing the best shower (apparently the best bath temp is 90F-105F) and giving yourself some much needed TLC. I don’t know about you but there is nothing a good bath cannot solve in my life. (But if that doesn’t work, then I call my mother.)
Here’s how exactly to turn your bath into the full spa experience:
- Your favourite glass of wine (red or white ladies, I don’t discriminate) or opt for a sexy beverage
- A relaxing playlist (Spotify has so many spa playlists)
- Put your phone on silent so you don’t feel a pull to check your phone (and keep it in a different room)
- A few drops of scented essential oils or bubble bath for an aromatic experience (I personally love this bottle of Lavender)
- A bathrobe to wear right after
Movie Marathon with Friends
Whenever I’m feeling blue, or just feeling like I don’t like to leave the house, there’s a movie for every mood. I’ll be honest; I have nights when I don’t actually know how I’m feeling, and I let my mood figure out what movie is best to soothe me. (I can’t be the only one who does this?)
When it comes to movie marathons, I’ve got 2 options for you:
OPTION 1: Host a movie night with friends this Valentine’s Day and steer clear of crowds and couples altogether. No sense in getting triggered today and spiraling into those obsessive thoughts over your ex.
If you wish to take it to another level, feel free to watch the last 3 decades of horror movies.
OPTION 2: A solo movie evening. You’re likely a hard-working woman who rarely (never?) cuts herself a break enough to let herself truly binge Netflix. Let yourself tonight, got it? You’ve got nowhere to be, so let yourself enjoy this time.
Mid-day Solo Date
If you still wish to go out, but don’t want to be bombarded by all the couples everywhere, opt for a solo lunch date.
Most couples are likely reserving the restaurants for the evening, so why not take today to treat yourself to that [insert luxury item] that you’ve been eyeing. (Just dooooo it!)
Donate to a Worthy Cause
Don’t want to purchase something for yourself? Allow me to ask you this: how much would you have spent on your significant other for their gift and for the evening?
Use that money and give it to a worthy cause. If you are reading this when it’s posted, Australia’s wildlife really needs the funds. Here’s how to donate (across to the end of the article.)When we are having a tough time emotionally, we need to reach out and give to others who are in need.
When I’m having a tough day, I head over to my local meditation centre, plus they often remind me that when I’m feeling deep in my despair, it’s best to serve others and take the focus off of me for a moment. We can get so caught up in what’s not going right for us that sometimes we forget that others are having a harder time right now.
Get Guidance Available Love and Relationships
Make Valentine’s Day a productive one by hiring a coach to support you in your love life. Last year this was a fun, motivating and popular choice for single ladies.
Maybe you’re finally out of that toxic relationship, or finally made the commitment to yourself to leave a relationship that wasn’t progressing. Now you can start manifesting the right relationship for you.
(To manifest: create what you want with the mind first, so that it can appear into your reality.)
It’s time to take all the crap that happened in your last relationship and make Valentine’s Day lemonade, damnit.
If you want to connect deeper on your breakup, book a consult with me here.
Create a Vision Board
When I left my last relationship, I was all about ‘creating my future and vision boards became my best friend. They’re not just woo-woo or for people in their 20s; in fact, Oprah, Will Smith, Steve Harvey and Jim Carrey all believe in them and possess seen how much they truly work. (Why: because they keep you focused on your actual goals.)
You’ve heard of the vision board, but what is it, exactly?
Well, it’s where you put images and words of things, experiences, and people you would like that you experienced. It’s the ultimate manifesting tool. Try it! (I like the word manifesting, in case you haven’t noticed.)
Feel free to do this one during your movie marathon, or with friends. Use Canva or the old-fashioned way:
What you need to make a gorgeous and inspiring vision board:
White glue (that dries clear)
Old magazines (yikes they’re like $6+ these days!) to clip them
printed photos from the internet
2-3 hours of uninterrupted time to get into flow
killer music/movie playlist
Please send me your Vision board to email@example.com if you do decide to follow this! I’d love to see what you come up with!
Some Other Tips to Help You Through a Breakup
Every day is going to feel different, so embrace what emotions come through. Don’t let how tough yesterday was to determine how today will likely be.
Give yourself permission to feel sad. The more you embrace the emotion, the sooner it’ll pass. (I know it doesn’t feel like it, but it will).
Try not to rush the process. I know you want to be done with the emotions, but they are serving a purpose. What that purpose is, well—that’s part of the process. You’re curing through this.
Be kind to yourself. I know you might be defaulting to thinking how you could have prevented the breakup, or enabling you to happen a ‘better elannet at xpickup partner. The reality is that this is certainly time for you to turn inward and deepen your compassion for yourself. When you place all this guilt and blame on yourself, you’re punishing yourself. Breakups don’t serve to punish us, but to teach us, and help us heal.
Know that you are progressing, whether or not it doesn’t always feel like it. If you have one good day, followed by a terrible day, you’re not regressing, as you might think. This is certainly all part of the process. Process isn’t linear, and breakups are no exception to this rule.
I hope these ideas speak to you this valentine’s. I know how tough it is to get through your first Valentine’s Day solo, but remember why you’re doing this—for you. For your growth, development, and learning.
You’ve got this more than you know. And I’ve got your back, too!
If you need support during your breakup, please reach out to Nancy and let her help you!
Sometime you can’t get men to talk on dates. But I hear stories all the time about men talking too much on dates. They blab their heads off due to the fact woman sits quietly nodding and ‘uh-hu-ing. (Notice I didn’t say she was listening.)
Inevitably, these two will never have another date…unless the woman exercises some compassion and knows how to kindly stop him from yapping. (Which, btw, may be saving him from himself!)
We gals generally have the propensity to chat for the sake of it. I love that about women and wouldn’t have it other way! Yet on dates, it’s not uncommon for it to be the opposite, with the man chattering away.
It may be a sign that he’s completely self-centered or overcompensating for insecurity and that you should run for the hills. Or he could be nervous.
But there is another reason men talk so much on dates that I don’t think we consider:
Single men rarely get the opportunity to discuss themselves and their lives, and our femininity brings this out in them.
Take 10 and watch my video for more about why men do this and how to proceed to get them to prevent! Then…give me your tips below, ok?
When it comes to choosing a forever partner, what do mature men want from women? As always, I’m dealing with Good Grownup Men.
What these guys are looking for in a forever partner is different than what 20 or 30-something men are looking. Knowing the difference will help you make truly deep connections with good men all around you.
Mature (grownup!) men have confidence and a strong sense of self. They know what they want and don’t want. They show up in life with authority, power, and strength.
For the mature man, relationships are no longer all about libido and ego. They’ve been looking real connection.
That’s the guy you want, right?
Well, here’s what this man wants:
He wants to have fun and possess intellectual stimulation. And good sex, of course. But in order for him to feel romantic about you, he needs more.
When he’s with You he wants to be able to rest. He wants to be able to shed his proverbial suit and just be a nice guy and enjoy his time with you.
Some men describe this as having a safe spot to land.
If you wish to be able to give men this gift, watch this video. Then let me know your thoughts!